....as theological as I can get.....

....as theological as I can get.....

Friday, February 18, 2011

Hello, again.

Midterms are over. Blogging commences.
..Back to those praise breaks and Pentecostal behaviors I promised to explain...
For the most part, Pentecostal practitioners believe that gifts-- like speaking in tongues-- still exist in the latter days. The religion focuses on having an extremely personal experience with God, like so personal that He completely fills you up and you can't help but run, and jump around. Also, the idea is that God doesn't care that you look silly and are speaking in gibberish, because you're only communicating with Him during these times.This concept, while not universal to all Pentecostals, is pretty widely accepted and practiced, hence the allotted time during Sunday services to express oneself.. So Jump, Shake and Shimmy the Godly sillies out, and rock on, Praise Breaks! 
I'm a pretty shy person..I have to have quite a bit of liquid courage to even rhythmically shift my weight back and forth in public, in a dark night club. Sorry Pentecostals, I don't think your church is right for me.. unless you increase the size of those lil' plastic communion wine cups and use vodka RedBulls to represent the blood of Christ.
 I have this in my head now..had to add it.

Monday, February 7, 2011

An explaination of the Holy Ghost Explosion Praise Break Extravaganza

Will come tomorrow. I have been waiting for my neighbors to reset the modem all day so I can steal their internet...figures they reset it AFTER 4 Jim Beams.
Huzzah, tomorrow will answer all those lingering questions surrounding those APDGA's (Apostolic Public Displays of Godly Affliction).

Sunday, February 6, 2011

Apostolic let down...This isn't over.

I don't think I have ever been in the presence of a nicer group of people. 
This is the primary reason I will most likely never return to this particular congregation again. 

Folks, I am kind of bummed out about this post. I showed up for 10am service with the high hopes of meeting and seeing some crazy, crazy worshipers. I don't know if I chose the wrong Sunday, or this congregation is relatively mellow, but it was just a normal tambourine-ish church. I, once again, sat in the back and looked at the back of everyone's heads..Which were awesome! Swirly braids, prom style up-do's and BUNS. Oh, the buns. I am really sad that there was no Holy Ghost Explosion, or Cah-razy praise break for me to secretly video and post on the blog. I will, however, make plans to visit a larger congregation out of state. I just have to see these people in action.
Sorry to disappoint y'all. 
Here's a gratuitous youtube vid of what I wish I would have seen today.

Saturday, February 5, 2011


Tomorrow. 10AM. First Apostolic Church of Salt Lake City. (Pentecostal Church)

I will just preface tomorrow's post by letting you all know that:
1. I know nothing about this faith.
2. Finding a listing for a Pentecostal congregation in Utah that was active every Sunday was not easy. I had lots of random leads (manta, yellow pages, etc), which led me to sites that were no longer active, and phone numbers that had been disconnected.
3. When you plug the word "Pentecostal" into your search engine, a suggestion of "Pentecostal Hairstyles" will pop up. When you image search those hairstyles, pompadours and intricate braids akin to the ones worn by my FLDS relatives will dominate your Bing image page. 
**Here's why: An apostolic hairstyle is one that's associated with the Pentecostal religion. Typically, orthodox women of the Pentecostal faith don't cut or even trim their hair, instead growing it as long as possible. 
I'll give you a run down on the hair, the sermon and the experience tomorrow, I guess!


Tuesday, February 1, 2011

No love..

...For the Methodist church on my poll~!?
 Happy February! As I was sitting in Art History 2710 today, listening to my professor lecture on Grecian Geometric period, I started to think about the Greek's religious stories, and then realized that it's already February, which led me to think about Aphrodite, and love and the theme of this sick, sappy month.
Do you know Mighty Aphrodite's story?? 

Think back to the 5th grade.. waaaay back. Remember when your teacher, in my case Mrs. Gargol, called you and your sweet, innocent fellow 5th graders to the story time rug to recite the myth of Uranus and Gaia from Greek Mythology? Uranus (Father Heavens) and Gaia (Mother Earth) were lovers, but like the typical jerky boyfriend, Uranus couldn't commit and forbade Gaia to give birth to their children.  Because the pill wasn't available, Gaia just "held it in". As you can imagine, Gaia's uterus began to get pretty crowded with unborned kiddos (The Titans) fighting over the one freaking mirror in the bathroom. As you can also imagine, Gaia had some pretty wicked cramping. Conspiring with her then in-utero son, Chronus, she forged a sickle out of steel (kegals ladies!) and instructed Chronus to attack Uranus the next time she and he had intercourse.
Well, about 10 minutes later Uranus came 'round for the usual "hotcha cha cha"....What a shocker when Chronus chopped off Uranus's manhood and threw it into the sea! From a Lorena Bobbit moment, sea foam and some salt water, Aphrodite was born. The goddess of love..and severed sea shmeckels.

FYI, The Titans were borned, and Chronus ended up following in his Fathers footsteps and jerking his wife around too.

Happy Love Month.